Yelling at the children is wrong, but on many occasions parents feel so pressured that it is the only way they can find to release their pressure and frustration, they think it is the best or at least the fastest way for their children to obey. Raising your voice to show anger or discontent may immediately have an effect, but in the long run it can be a problem for children. In addition, a father or mother who is continually shouting will lose authority towards the children, since a cry should be reserved only for those moments when there may be danger of some kind.
All parents aspire to have a calmer upbringing where there is no need to yell or get angry, but sometimes it is the parents themselves who make things difficult. We know how important our principles and fears are for children, but despite having the best of intentions, you may lose your temper with the people you love the most in this world: your children.
Why are children yelled at and why they shouldn’t do it?
It’s a good idea to ask yourself why we yell at our kids. This is often attributed to the outbursts of convincing us that they are not listening to us, that they are disrespecting us, that you are being cheeky or that they are misbehaving. But the reality is that children do not want to behave like this and parents, on the other hand, act without thinking. Without thinking about them, without thinking about the consequences.
Being parents is a very personal experience and the feelings we have for our children are so strong that they can help us to behave in a more logical and reasoning way in these moments. We cannot forget that after all, we are all human. But if you yell at your children, you will be raising them in a continuous sense of anxiety, panic, and fear that they do not deserve. It is necessary to think about what are the triggers that make you go off the internal alarms.
All feelings are natural, normal, and acceptable… but all behaviors are not. The challenge of any parent is to accept our feelings but take control of the behavior, something that will make your good feelings stronger. Remember that your child will follow your model, and if you yell … he will too
5 ways to stop yelling at your kids
- Look for the triggers that make you scream. In many cases the triggers are within you and in your childhood. Unresolved injuries may make you scream more than necessary. Feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, inadequacy, fear, or guilt can be triggers. Also think about what behaviors make you feel about to explode.
- Educate your brain. Stop, pause your behavior, and think before responding.
- You cannot make others act on your needs. You cannot get calm through other people, nor through your children. Find ways to calm yourself through other strategies such as meditation, relaxing music, walks… Yelling at others will only make you feel worse and more stressed.
- Why do these behaviors bother you? When something bothers you write your thoughts instead of yelling. Look into your past and acknowledge your fears. Ask yourself if your child’s behavior makes you feel insecure, helpless, scared, or out of control, and find a way to control these feelings. Write down what you can do to find your calm in the face of any trigger and then put it into practice.
Avoid power struggles. Be careful not to get caught up in a pattern of negative interactions with your child or the yelling will be imminent. Don’t react to their reactivity and don’t get caught up in a war of wills. It is better that you be realistic about what happens and that you stick to the strengths.